Don’t misremember a bad relationship, or justify any cruelties thrown at you by someone you care about. Some people just don’t have the capacity to love. What motivates an abuser? I believe control is a key factor. Control and a desire to diminish a person’s self-esteem.
Maybe you’re a magnet for control addicts….something to consider if you allow others, more times than not, to have the upper hand. How do bullies and controllers target their victims? In the person’s words, actions, and inability to stand up for themselves…… Do you see yourself in the behaviors listed below?
- You belittle yourself – this isn’t an innate behavior. Someone or some people have ‘taught’ you to demean yourself. Please figure out who. I learned to think less of myself from my first love. Lessons for me and I did find my balance later.
- You may open up too quickly, sharing personal information that makes you vulnerable.
- You usually agree, not wanting to create waves.
- You appear needy by indiscriminately seeking kindness or friendship.
- You’re obsessively eager to please and help others. You have a fear of displeasing others.
- You’re self critical when complimented.
- You accept mean-spirited teasing, mocking, or jokes at your expense.
- You compliment others often to stop harsh behavior directed at you, by them, or as some people call it, kissing someone’s a–.
- You don’t take the lead, whether deciding what movie to share or restaurant to go to.
- You’re afraid to get angry if someone has overstepped boundaries.
- You’re overly shy and often are uncomfortable making eye contact.
- You often speak quickly, fearing you’re taking up someone’s valuable time.
How long does it take to become accustomed to being controlled and not rebel?
How long does it take to walk away from aggression directed at you, stand up for yourself, or simply not react ?
If you don’t say the word no often, try it on for size occasionally.
ABUSE is always about CONTROL. And, if there’s the possiblity of violence with the emotional abuse, please, please get help. I’m also a believer in therapy as a way to heal from a negative relationship.
Here’s hoping you enjoy yourself and always allow your inner strength to shine for others to enjoy.