The Bully – Part 1



After some abusive confrontations, the victim’s mind-set is “it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.”.

First fictional scenario – Sammy, built like a linebacker on steroids, class bully with unaddressed mother issues, walks the path of the controller by way of force…..he’s keen on always throwing the first punch in any fight.  To let off steam and to excite, his hands roam over occasional female bodies in the congested halls between classes.  Mirena catches his eye, or rather her ass does, and he’s thrilled to have found his next target.  Friday as classes end and the hall is almost empty, Sammy approaches Mirena quickly from behind…..Oh, he really likes to approach from behind, a sneak-up.  With his hand sliding quick as a snake from her shoulder to grip her neck, for the non-observant passer-by, it’ll look like a caress.   But actually by applying pressure, it’s his way of immobilizing her as his other hand roams from her back, over her curves.  Mirena knows Sammy and his reputation as a brute and a groper, she’s afraid, and starts to struggle, saying “please, please stop.”  Sammy likes the fear, wants more and retaliates by tightening his fingers on her neck, enjoying he’ll mark her with his bruises.  She quits struggling as his hands continue to roam.  When she sees a few other people walking out, he tightens his grip on her neck again reminding her not to cry out for help or he’ll really hurt her.  Sammy’s a thrill seeker and pats himself on the back for finding another victim afraid to yell for help.  He whispers in her ear, that soon enough he’ll have her on her knees, and then walks away.  Mirena, crying, terrified, and not knowing what to do, makes it home and decides if she keeps quiet, doesn’t cause problems, if she just tries to avoid him in the future, maybe he’ll leave her alone.  But that won’t be the case, he’s itching for the next time with Mirena and hopes to capture some submission and nudity on video to put on line.

Sammy’s a multi-faceted bully, controller, to-be-rapist, and budding perv-cyber-bully.  How many people, as of now, have not spoken up and exposed Sammy?  The pure and simple truth is Mirena needs to speak up.

Second fictional Scenario – Rob’s new in this high school, and has geek written all over him.  He’s smart enough to create a future that will thrive with prosperity and creativity.  Factor in his kindness, he’s a good guy.  He’s also become a target from a couple of students, students not doing well or even average in their classes.  The bullying started with verbal abuse and escalated into physical attacks.  The first afternoon that Rob goes home with a split lip and a black eye forming, he’s glad his parents aren’t there, feeling too embarrassed and humiliated to explain.  He may say nothing about the attack, but realizes quickly it probably won’t stop on it’s own.  The second time he comes home with a bruised jaw, he starts talking…. to his parents, to his teacher and guidance counselor, and to the principle.

Written by Barbara Jetton, 6/2013.

COMING NEXT – 2 more scenarios, and thoughts on a bully’s motives, his or her tools, chosen victims, and what professionals say victims should do.

Would Someone Describe You as Submissive?


Don’t misremember a bad relationship, or justify any cruelties thrown at you by someone you care about.  Some people just don’t have the capacity to love.  What motivates an abuser?  I believe control is a key factor.  Control and a desire to diminish a person’s self-esteem.

Maybe you’re a magnet for control addicts….something to consider if you allow others, more times than not, to have the upper hand.  How do bullies and controllers target their victims?  In the person’s words, actions, and inability to stand up for themselves……   Do you see yourself in the behaviors listed below?

  1. You belittle yourself –  this isn’t an innate behavior.  Someone or some people have ‘taught’ you to demean yourself.  Please figure out who.  I learned to think less of myself from my first love. Lessons for me and I did find my balance later.
  2. You may open up too quickly, sharing personal information that makes you vulnerable.
  3. You usually agree, not wanting to create waves.
  4. You appear needy by indiscriminately seeking kindness or friendship.
  5. You’re obsessively eager to please and help others.  You have a fear of displeasing others.
  6. You’re self critical when complimented.
  7. You accept mean-spirited teasing, mocking, or jokes at your expense.
  8. You compliment others often to stop harsh behavior directed at you, by them, or as some people call it, kissing someone’s a–.
  9. You don’t take the lead, whether deciding what movie to share or restaurant to go to.
  10. You’re afraid to get angry if someone has overstepped boundaries.
  11. You’re overly shy and often are uncomfortable making eye contact.
  12. You often speak quickly, fearing you’re taking up someone’s valuable time.

How long does it take to become accustomed to being controlled and not rebel?

How long does it take to walk away from aggression directed at you, stand up for yourself, or simply not react ?

If you don’t say the word no often, try it on for size occasionally.

ABUSE  is always about CONTROL.  And, if there’s the possiblity of violence with the emotional abuse, please, please get help.  I’m also a believer in therapy as a way to heal from a negative relationship.

Here’s hoping you enjoy yourself and always allow your inner strength to shine for others to enjoy.

Barbara Jetton


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A celebration of deliciousness.  Ok, it’s not the healthy dessert that will make your doctor smile while you’re relaying your daily food intake.  But, it’s the holidays.  A small piece of this amazing dessert will have you feeling that ‘special moment’ that’s not found lightly.

What we have here is not a failure of communication of food.  When you create this bread pudding and share it with others, they’ll be ecstatic at the decadence and joy their taste buds are sensing.

The photo of the bread pudding is BEFORE the bourbon sauce that’s added at the end.IMG_2417IMG_2422IMG_2419IMG_2423The bread pudding was a group effort, with the result being crispy edges, and slightly soft and gooey on the inside. A dense and impressive pudding with a bourbon sauce that you CAN taste the bourbon….. to the point of a slight buzz.


1 loaf french stale bread (1 1/2 feet long)

38 ounces (1 qt and 6 ou) half and half cream  (Whole Milk to trim calories)

3 large Eggs, beaten

2 cups Sugar

2 Tablespoons Vanilla

1 teaspoon Cinnamon

1 cup Raisins soaked in bourbon

3 Tablespoons Butter

Whiskey Sauce

1 Stick Butter

1 cup Sugar

1 Egg, beaten

1/4 cup Bourbon

In a large bowl, cube bread into bite size pieces.  Pour milk over bread, occasionally mixing, and soak for 1 hour.  Add the 3 beaten eggs and 2 cups of sugar, vanilla, and raisins (drain off some of the bourbon).  Melt 3 tablespoons butter in a 13″x9″x2″ baking dish and make sure the bottom and sides have the butter coating.  Pour in pudding and bake for 1 hour at 375 degrees.  It will be firm when ready.


In the top of a double boiler, melt 1 stick butter and a cup of sugar.  Add beaten egg slowly with wire whisk.  Add bourbon and whisk in.  Pour sauce over pudding.  Extra sauce can be kept in a sauce bowl and reheated.

Hope you enjoy for the holidays!


Monday Night is Pizza Discount Night at Brooklyn Bridge Italian Restaurant

IMG_20151026_193241Romantically amicable, shades of sensual ambiance AND aromas to ignite the salivary glands….. now you have the stage set for a sensory-excellent dining experience at BROOKLYN BRIDGE ITALIAN RESTAURANT.  In Memphis, on Kirby Pkwy, Mondays are pizza discount night ($4 off medium pizzas, $5 off large pizzas).

Chef Giorgio ( trained in the Abruzzi  region of Italy) is on board creating menu selections that will keep you ruminating.  While sipping wine (they specialize in regional wines) and enjoying an appetizer, I’m guessing the night will be very easy to enjoy with your dinner companion. We started with Mussels Fra Diqvole, (black mussels sauteed in a spicy tomato sauce).  Then our entree, being pizza night, was a medium size NAPOLITANA Pizza with pepperoni (around 12.95), and the result being the restaurant nailed it.  Delicious.  Completely full from our meal… and extra pizza was taken home.IMG_20151026_185506IMG_20151026_185555IMG_20151026_185850IMG_20151026_195027IMG_20151026_195727

When You Need Mexican…..EL PORTON

One of the perks of eating Mexican food is it’s not pricey.  If you enjoy fresh, spicy salsa dip and crisp low-salt, low-oil tortilla corn chips when you sit down before you order a thing; Mexican, and especially EL PORTON MEXICAN RESTAURANT should be considered an option for a evening of delicious food.  I enjoy sitting outside, probably for many reasons, but the obvious one is that it’s a feel-good while the weather is so pleasant in Memphis.

In the past, I’ve had the tacos, quesadillas, enchiladas, burritos, and combos of a variety from the menu.  There’s still many items I need to experience at EL PORTON…..flautas, salads, fajitas, molcajete for 2, seafood dishes, and wraps.  For an appetizer what I enjoy is their guacamole dip, made at the table and  a must to try.

For your budget, remember EL PORTON’S Thursday Taco Night.  Ground beef or shredded chicken on hard or soft tacos are ONLY $1.25 each. (normally $2.25 each).  If you choose to add a side of rice (it’s quite a bit of tasty), $2.50.  With the welcoming salsa and chips (free), and 2 or 3 tacos, I’m guessing you’ll be more than full after the tacos.  Add a glass of wine, and an entertaining dining companion and you have a to-be-remembered-and-repeated dining experience.

The waiting staff is professional and the length of time of your meal depends on you, the diner.

When it’s not Thursday, one of my favorite meals is the YOLANDAS, for $9.45.  When you order this selection, you will receive 3 chicken enchiladas, topped with ranchera sauce, rice, and guacomile salad.  Yum.

I enjoy the EL PORTON in the Poplar Plaza Mall.IMG_20151022_184353IMG_20151022_184359IMG_20151022_183654



Taste Buds Verses Budget

When my appetite says yes to the seduction of the senses thru food and my budget says whoa-no-stop………what’s a girl (and I say that in the most liberal sense) supposed to do?

Search, shop, google, listen to word of mouth testaments concerning ‘the dining experience’ of the pleasure-or-not of dining out or cooking in.

SEKISUI MIDTOWN  (in Memphis) is an award winning Sushi Restaurant  (cooked vinegared rice combined with seafood, vegetables, and occasionally tropical fruits) serving sushi or cooked fish in combos with pickled ginger, wasabi, and soy sauce.

How can I explain the taste of nourishing, clean food?  A taste, and you know you are enjoying real food, nutritional food.

Please check out SEKISUI MIDTOWN, with Japanese Cuisine.  We had a sushi combination (around $12) and fried spring rolls (pork and vegetables, $4.95).  Not only was the meal delicious, unique, but a reminder to eat slowly, savoring the taste, smell, and experience.IMG_2323IMG_2326